Once A Catholic

I am always amazed at the way the Catholic Church makes a fool of itself.  In its bid to have the Prime Minister of Britain amongst its faithful, it allowed itself  to be drawn  hook, line and sinker into allowing  a horrible piece of humanity into its midst.

Now I am a Catholic.  I say that with some feelings of terror as the Church says once a Catholic always a Catholic.  You cannot escape its clutches unless of course you see the light and commit an unbelievable heresy like forming a kind of protestant church which thankfully old Martin did years ago which brought the Church back into line and withdrew from its sinful ways of 16th century modern living,  fornication, the selling of indulgences, murder and general anti-christian behaviour.  To do this it made us eat fish on Friday, stop marrying people who were not Catholic and generally turn us all into miserable bastards.

I tried to stop being Catholic in 2009 when I was floored by the Murphy Report in Ireland that stated  that all priests who did not allow themselves to shag could now shag anything in trousers, skirt and hoof.  This caused much dismay among its supporters and the Church had to withdraw its horns after all its much safer without them.  I started to bring up other moments of indiscretion during  my period of divorce but the Church rapped my knuckles and started  making me live with a South African of Lutheran origins that brought me back to my senses.  A kind of reformation in reverse, I now say Grace Before Meals and other such severe cantations during my daily life which have made me scrutinise others in a truly Catholic way.  Which is why I was surprised to see that old Boris of the Johnson family had finally whisked the young , beautiful  but haggard Carrie Symonds off her feet and out of her knickers, I am not sure which came first but away to Westminster Cathedral for a wedding that ticked all the best of boxes.

His mother was a Catholic, he was once a Catholic but he recanted on going to a Protestant School,  She, Carrie that is, is a Catholic, their son Wilfred born out of wedlock and therefore a bastard is a Catholic and Boris who was once a Catholic is still a Catholic, a bit like myself.  So there is no reason at all why the nuptualistic pair cannot be married under the aegis of Christ’s true and holy Catholic Church.

It does not matter that he had stuck his member into Allegra Mostyn-Owen, Marina Wheeler and countless other immoral women’s holy vaginas for the last 30 odd years enabling them to be good one parent families drawing  many thousands in benefits from a State willing to cherish women who do.  It does not matter that he is a lying, viscious toad of a man who is not worried by state or individual as long as both clean up his shit so that Carrie, his lawful and smilingly sincere next in line can carry on governing a country that is in serious decline.  The Catholic Church will see them through this damascene moment when he proved that the rich and powerful can do anything they want whilst Muggins here has to submit to a registrar in Sligo if he can persuade Mrs Muggins to become his lawful and holy spouse thus disallowing her headlines in the newspapers, a big piss up and a lovely meal in McDonalds which she had set her heart on.

To sum up it is one fucking big heap of shite allowed by a totally forgiving, lying, fornicating seller of indugences that is the Catholic Church, that ticker of all holy boxes, that betrayer of all things, we Catholic people hold dear.  Long may you and your prime ministers rot in hell at your holy weaknesses.  I will cherish my Lutheran leanings.

On another matter connected entirely with our one holy  Catholic apostolic Church, there was found last month in the grounds of a residential school in Kamloops, British Columbia, the bodies of 215 young children who had died but not registered.  This school took in children from Indigenous families  to protect them from “drug abuse” in their society whilst the Catholic Church raped and abused them all to a holy death at too young an age for them to understand holiness from satanism.  This horrid and accepted stain  of Canadian lore although known about for years, in fact there are stories about it in the Queen and Prince Philip’s history on their tour of Canada in the early 1950s, is only now being dealt with by central government in Ottawa.

It brings home to me how close everybody is to evil.  During World War 2 my aunt, my father’s older sister, married an officer of the Canadian Army.  He was a Royal Canadian Mounted Policeman in civilian life who had enlisted to help the war effort.  On his return to civvie street in the late 1940s with his new English wife his first posting was to Kamloops where in fact a cousin of mine was born.  This RCMP man was in a senior position in Kamloops that had a population of about 7000 in post war Canada.  These children were disappearing in droves by then and you would think he must have had some information but the school was a Catholic school and he some form of a protestant so he might have cast a blind eye.  Certainly he would have had no respect for the local Shuswap Indians who had lived there for 10,000 years and were shown no easy life by the white men who came with their diseases and customs.  I never met the man but it shows the links everybody has to awfulness.

There is of course massive links to Boris of the Johnson family.  Just like my RCMP man, Boris does not give a shit,  With my RCMP man it was Shuswap indians with Boris it is everybody and everything including my beloved Catholic Church.