I have loved three women in my life, first my mother who I lived with for 21 years and who cherished my children until her untimely death in 1988. She never had a penny she could call her own yet she taught me to think rich. I regret that due to family pressures I was not around in her last few years. The second woman in my life was my wife Helen, the mother of my six children, the Chancellor of my Exchequer, my lover for nearly 44 years. Of course we had rows, which set of parents doesn’t, faced with growing children and their endless demands on purse strings. Helen always concentrated on the big things, letting the little things sort themselves out. She was remote from most, caring more for her family than acquaintances but absolutely willing to help a person in trouble, to go that extra mile.. She died relatively young in 2016 leaving a massive hole in my existence. Then there is Ma Femme, a bolt out of the blue that I met three years ago after 16 months of despair following Helen’s death. She had her own family to think of following her colonial divorce from an uncaring man but she threw herself into our relationship with ease. She had had to work hard all her life whilst attaining scholarship in her profession and seeing to her three sons and the repercussions of divorce. She had to be meagre, she had to be loving, she had to just get by. We met and there was instant attraction. She looked after the little things in our relationship and also supervised my tendency to splurge which was not akin to her life’s experience. She is wise whilst I am foolish. She is loving whilst I was lost. She is caring and I was raw. We were both mature individuals, both with a lifetime of experience. It made love easy. She was a lot younger than I and that difference in years meant nothing. We were both intelligent enough to realise we could both have a well earned dotage together. Her form and beauty encouraged me, her caring nature entranced. I am a lucky man for the third time in my life.
In this aura of love I wanted for nothing and whether it was this surfeit or a Catholic thing but I tended to keep women at arms length. I knew nothing of them, never worked with them, never met them socially. But I admired them, saw their fortitude, saw their ability to make the best of a bad thing but never understood them properly. With Ma Femme and her explained philosophy I started to admire them as individuals with their own minds, with their abilities to overcome. I thought them admirable. Then came covid!!!
I have never loved men. I thought them to be self-serving, angry, selfish, uncaring individuals who in the main despised women. I only ever met men, either at work or socially from all walks of life and that description fitted most. I admired their physical strength but nothing else. They lacked what one would say was a rounded individual. Besides being bullies, when the chips were down they could easily be cowards. If it did not go their way it did not go at all. Of course there were a few exceptions but I could count them on the fingers of one hand. I therefore became like Helen and fought shy of friends, they could be a negative stain on my life. Then came covid!!!
I look at women now and do not recognise them, their original beauty and intelligence lost behind swathes of fabric. I tell them that and they mumble something untranslatable. They jump out of my way and look at me as though I was a piece of shit in my non-masked glory. They feel unnerved in my presence. They want to say something derrogative but don’t. They are all scared. The stupid but wily government has done its job. Women have lost everything I held dear in them, especially their fortitude. They are now lambs ripe for the slaughter.
The strong male types have kept all their old traits but have lost what I admired; their strength. They are now just fumbling farts of the caricatures of their past. Stumbling around the back streets of the towns they swaggered through previously. Both sexes have lost their mojos never ever likely to return.
Examples, why not. We all know the Government rules on covid are ridiculous attempts at control yet everybody seems to have lost their critical intelligence. I went to the bank the other day. I am old just turned 75. Modern ways are not my ways. I wanted an explanation of why I could no longer bank online until a further step in security had been reached. I was exasperated, close to suicide it might be said. The bank manager, not masked, was sitting behind a large perspex screen with a hole at the bottom through which documents could be passed. His hand went up straightaway. “You cannot come in here without a mask “was his edict. I said ” what about yours”. He said “this screen protects me”. I said “Fuck me” as I fumbled with the offered mask. The man is supposed to be intelligent, he is handling millions of our ill gotten. Does he think that perspex is porous on my side but impervious on his. Does he think that the hole in the bottom for documents is to small for the virus to get through. Does he fucking think at all!
We engaged in conversation whilst I made a cat’s cradle of my hearing aids, my glasses and the offered mask. Talk got round to Covid injections. I said it was terrible that so many people were dying or becoming seriously ill after innoculation. He could not understand what I was saying. “there has been nothing on the telly or in the papers” he said. I nearly pulled out my knife and cut my throat. Again the man was supposed to be intelligent. He had an alphabet of letters after his name, how could he be so naive.
I went to the garage the other day, the service clerk invited me into his office and offered me a mask. “Wear one of these ” he said “people are looking at us”. Can you believe there are people about ready to snitch on their fellow workers if they defy protocols made up by somebody less intelligent than most. Everybody is living in fear, men have lost what they held dear, their balls. “Book it in for Monday” I said and left in dismay.
People need to wake up and understand they are being taken for fools, to satisfy the higher agenda of the those that do not care. They are all freemen and women but they have to fight every day to retain that freedom. Our fathers and mothers long since gone gave up their lives or a good part of it to fight tyranny and dark forces. Do not let that struggle be in vain but it looks like it could be.
I am not even going to go into all the regulations that make my life insufferable, that could make me a very unhealthy person if I followed the traits of modern life. They make me angry every time I leave the house. I have become a bad tempered hater of the sheep that make up the human race. I prefer lock down it makes me happy sitting with Ma Femme. I hate the world that has made passable human beings into fucking arseholes.